Personal Boundaries for Facilitators

The acceptance, support and knowledge that facilitators bring are arguably the most important component of any girls’ program. Other important things that girls need are:

• Personal support

• Safety

• Time to talk by nurturing conversations with women who the girls have ongoing positive relationships with

• Recognition of and emphasis on the girls’ cultural and personal strengths

• Programs that encourage relationships of trust and interdependence with the women who are a part of their lives

• Mentors whose realities reflect those of the girls in the group; supportive people who understand what the girls are experiencing

Many of these points are things that facilitators contribute simply through their presence and by creating a connection with the girls in the group. Having a connection and establishing trust are essential to addressing the needs of girls. However, it can sometimes get tricky. How do you get close to the girls without becoming just another friend? How do you keep from playing favourites in the group? What happens if one of the girls discloses something to you and you think she needs help? Do you break her confidence?

For more information on disclosure refer to Section 1: Child and Youth Protection

Establishing boundaries is essential. This does not need to mean that you shut yourself off from the girls in the group. However, you do need to think about what you share and make sure your stories are shared in the interest of modelling how to problem solve. Consider whether you share a story in the best interests of the girls and not out of your own need to share. You may need to save some of your stories for when you are with your own friends and recognize that you play many roles in the girls’ lives - not just as a person who is friendly.

You are a guide, a role model, and an authority figure. Even though many aspects of your program may be designed to be non-hierarchical, you are the one who is responsible. Participants look to you to lead them through this process with wisdom and fairness, to draw boundaries where necessary, and to keep the experience safe.

Suggestions for establishing boundaries:

• Realize you are modelling how to be inclusive and accepting to the girls in your group. Your approach will have an impact on how girls feel about themselves and how they treat others in the group.

• Make it clear ahead of time that you are a friend, but also take responsibility as a facilitator - let them know you can keep secrets but would need to disclose if they are being hurt or are in danger of hurting themselves or others. Stress as often as possible that their safety comes first and foremost and you will do whatever is necessary to maintain that safety.

• Don’t “play favourites.” Try to give all the girls equal time to express themselves in the group and validate all the contributions that they make. Find ways to include and acknowledge all participants, especially those who have more difficulty sharing. This creates a sense of safety and inclusion for the group as a whole.

• Check in with your co-facilitator about how the group dynamics are going. Give each other constructive feedback if you notice the other is giving more attention to some girls over others and support them in being more inclusive.

• If you want to connect with the girls only during the group time, try to leave some unstructured time during each session so the girls will be able to approach you individually if they want to.

• If you live in a small community, you will see the girls from your group in many different contexts and likely know their relatives. Remember to keep what you know about the girls in the group confidential, or you will break their trust. You may want to discuss the difficulty of opening up to someone that they already know. Be clear that everything discussed in the group stays in the group and honour that statement by making confidentiality secondary only to safety.

• Respond positively to girls who say they don’t know what something means and recognize the courage needed to make oneself vulnerable in that situation.

• Many heavy topics and problems may be discussed in the group, and it is natural that you will feel pain or sadness along with the girls in the group. Make sure you find ways to work through any personal feelings this may bring up for you, and you find ways to relax and have fun. Taking care of yourself outside of the group is very important – the girls need your groundedness and inspiration!

• Be aware of personal disclosures. Ask yourself: “Is what I’m disclosing beneficial to the group or is it only serving me?” You may need to find someone (a counsellor or friend) that you can talk to about your personal feelings within the group. It may be helpful to set up a network of resources before you begin so you can access them when you need to.

• Accept your limits as a facilitator. You may need to refer girls to external resources like a counsellor or a health clinic. Don’t try to be a therapist.

• It is never good enough to say “You should talk to someone about that!” and just leave it there. Make sure that you have a list of names and contact information of available health professionals nearby the project or close to the girls’ place of residence so that the girls have someone concrete to contact immediately or once they arrive at home. You may even offer to make the contact with them before they leave the event.

• If you sense a girl may be suicidal or if she shows “at-risk” behaviour or if a girl is in an abusive situation, tell the girl that for their safety you are obligated to contact a professional to keep them safe, and then do so. You are not betraying a trust, you are saving a life.