Self-Esteem Supports: Reference Materials

What is self-esteem?

Self-esteem is the experience of being able to meet the challenges of life by maintaining dignity and knowing that you are worthy of happiness. People who have a healthy and authentic self-esteem trust their own being to be life affirming, constructive, responsible, and trustworthy.

(Adapted from: Dove Campaign: http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/supports.asp?section=campaign&id=93#3)

 

Influencing factors for a positive self-esteem

Strong, supportive, and positive relationships with parents and family: a feeling that the important adults in their lives listen to them, accept, and care about them, as well as:

  • Maintaining friendships based on mutual respect, growth and learning

  • Participation in activities that offer real opportunities for growth and challenges

  • Experiencing success with schoolwork and extracurricular activities, such as sports, drama or music

  • Having the skills needed to cope during times of disappointment or crisis

 

Low self-esteem vs. healthy self-esteem

A low self-esteem grows out of situations/environments that are non-supportive of a person’s individual growth. It often results in a person relying on only the present to determine how they are doing or how they feel about themselves. They need external experiences to counteract the negative feelings and thoughts that constantly affect them internally. People with low self-esteem have often been given messages that failed experiences (for example, getting below average grades or failing a course or not doing well at a sport or activity) were failures of their whole self.

 

A healthy self-esteem is based on our ability to know ourselves accurately and still be able to accept and to value ourselves unconditionally. This means being able to realistically acknowledge our strengths and limitations (that are part of being human) and at the same time accept ourselves as worthy and worthwhile without conditions and reservations.

 

Self-esteem is largely developed during childhood.

 

Factors influencing a low self-esteem:

  • being harshly criticized

  • being abused (physically, mentally, emotionally)

  • being ignored, neglected, ridiculed or teased

  • being expected to be “perfect” all the time

  • experiencing failures

 

Factors influencing a healthy self-esteem:

  • being praised and emotionally supported

  • being listened to

  • being spoken to respectfully

  • getting attention and hugs

  • experiencing success in sports or school

  • having trustworthy friends